Babies

My husband is willing to give me a baby. He's willing to give him a baby even though he's terrified of having a baby. I'm worried that he's willing to give me a baby to make me wanna live. To make me wanna live every day. To make me continue to give myself shots. To give myself a shot every day. A shot every day. It sucks. I don't now what to do. I don't know if I should resign myself to not having a kid or go forward hoping my husband will love our baby even if that baby isn't what he wants cause it terrifies him. He worries we can't afford a baby. He also says he'll make whatever needs to happen happen. Then he jokes about having a vasectomy. He thinks it's funny and to me it says he doesn't want a kid. That I should put away my wishes for a baby and stuff them down deep. I think if I do that I'll die inside. I'll die and that will be it. I may not actually die but I'll be dead. I love him so much. I love him and I want him happy. I know that even if I die inside he'll never leave me. I don't know how to make things happy again.